I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I am naked and annoyed.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
