That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
