I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
