I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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