you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
