My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He passed out mid-signature
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
