I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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