you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
