We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize