I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
