He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Randomize