i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
