She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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