Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
