i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
