I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
