69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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