You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
