we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
sarcasm needs its own font
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
