just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize