This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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