i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
