Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
barbara walters just said penis...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
