You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
