True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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