my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize