I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
