Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize