I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
