normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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