Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
