i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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