I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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