You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
