if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
