I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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