yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
