so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
