One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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