Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The uberlube is also flammable
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
