Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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