Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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