guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
