Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
