dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
