What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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