I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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