It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
