ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
