he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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