you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
