Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
