Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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