nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize