guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize
