did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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