somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
