Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
