i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
