quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
