i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
