She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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