you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
