I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just want nice things and good sex
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
