The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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