the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
