i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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