she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Randomize
