If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
