my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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