I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
