i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
