remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
