how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
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