Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
